


Letters

by limjiaer



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 21:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16819138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limjiaer/pseuds/limjiaer
Summary: Junmyeon was angry at him, so angry. He didn’t wanna hear a word about him and everyone knew it and pretended Kris never existed while Junmyeon was around.





	Letters

**Author's Note:**

> basically some Krisho through years as how I imagine it could be

Junmyeon was angry at him, so angry. He didn’t wanna hear a word about him and everyone knew it and pretended Kris never existed while Junmyeon was around.

Junmyeon wanted to hate him, he really believed that he was and that belief had been only strengthening.

Kris tried to contact him but Junmyeon blocked his number and he refused to read letters, which Kris wrote for him and asked Yixing to deliver. Letters were hidden in one of the drawers and had never been opened. It should be said, there were a lot of them, since Yixing’s been flying to China quite frequently and sometimes he returned with not one letter, but two or three. One time they were busy in Korea and Yixing haven’t been to China for a while, but after he finally was sent there, he came back with seven damn letters.

Junmyeon really wanted to burn them all, but something was stopping him from doing that. He couldn’t do it and was just cowardly collecting them in the drawer, which was going to explode very soon if Kris continued wasting so much paper for nothing.

Junmyeon didn’t check how Kris was doing. He was a man on a mission trying to forget his first (and, he wanted to bite his tongue not to say it, last) love. So he only heard some bits of information, when others talked about it (thinking that he couldn’t hear), or when he came across it on social media, though he usually scrolled it away quickly not to read into it.

Junmyeon was almost doing fine, surely much better than a year ago when the news of Kris leaving SM and the group, and him, was like snow in summer. He would lie if he said he didn’t see the tension and obvious troubles, which were always there and that he didn’t knew about long talks between Kris and their manager. But he didn’t know that this all would end like this.

He and Kris were close even before debut, closer than just friends, and Junmyeon was the first person, who Kris told about his decision. It felt so surreal, Junmyeon couldn’t put it in his head and react somehow. He couldn’t be serious, right?

Junmyeon knows he behaved wrong back then, but he would never admit it.

He knows he should’ve supported Kris, it wasn’t an easy decision to make and there were months of numerous trouble waiting for him, but Junmyeon thought for some reason that for him it was a lot harder. Well, there was a reason. He was too much in love with Kris, but he didn’t confess when he had a chance and now he would never have this chance.

Whatever was there between them and whatever it could’ve turned into, if fate had been kinder, was now over.

He could’ve told him back then. Could’ve told him how he felt. Oh how he wanted to believe that it could’ve changed everything and make Kris stay. But it couldn’t and Junmyeon had to let go.

“Jun, please...”, Junmyeon’s heart shrank painfully at the nickname. The other boy’s voice was cracking, when he struggled to finish the sentence, “Don’t turn your back on me”

Funny, he wasn’t the first one to do that.

“Good bye, Yifan”

They haven’t talked for more than two years now. Junmyeon liked to think he moved on. How long could teenage love last? Kris hasn’t stopped trying to contact him. Junmyeon didn’t know why. Was he feeling guilty for leaving them all like that? Or what is it?

“He has reasons for doing this”, Luhan told him once, when it all started, “And you know it. We all know”

Junmyeon knew it. But that knowledge didn’t ease the pain, not even a little. He thought it would’ve been much easier for him, if Kris was just a selfish bastard, but he wasn’t and that was making it hard for Junmyeon to really hate and despise him. He did hate him though. Or so he was telling others. They didn’t seem to really believe him, but whatever helped him sleep at night.

Last month Yixing came back with one letter, which took its rightful place among all others and everything was as usual. But yesterday Yixing came home from the airport freshly from China without a usual letter. He just threw a brief weird glance at Junmyeon, but said nothing. He was never the one messing with other people’s business, he only minded his own, which Junmyeon always appreciated, but probably not right now.

Junmyeon didn’t expect to feel something about the sudden change. But he did. He couldn’t sleep that night. He was okay in the morning, telling himself that it was about time Kris finally let go and gave up his useless attempts. It’s been three years, this should’ve happened long time ago, sure, Kris was stubborn, but even he was tired now. Junmyeon wondered why did he kept writing for so long. He himself would’ve probably given up after Kris didn’t answer his first letter. But he wasn’t him. Kris didn’t want to let him go. He asked Junmyeon not to turn his back on him and Junmyeon did the exact opposite. Maybe he didn’t deserve him in the first place. He gave it all up so easily, he was so young and stupid and so in love that he didn’t know what to do to make it less painful. Kris leaving felt like the end of the world to him, and he still had to live on and take care of ten group members, which soon became only eight of them. Sehun cried every night for two weeks when Luhan moved out and Junmyeon took care of him, because he didn’t want the boy to go through it alone like he did not very long ago.

What now? He was finally free. He felt like that for less than a week. Then he started to feel lonely. The letters made him feel like Kris was still there, somewhere else, but still close to him. With that false presence gone completely, it started to feel like they were now in two different galaxies. Maybe something happened? Should he ask Yixing if Kris was alright? Or maybe it was the last letter? Yixing acted a little weird when he handled it to him. Was it a final good bye letter? Or something happened and Kris wrote about it in the letter? Damn it, he didn’t want to read any of them, he can’t give up now. It was around 2 am and he still couldn’t fall asleep. It was annoying. He kept thinking about the damn letters and they seemed to sing some siren song for him to finally give up and read them. What if something really happened?

“ _Okay just one damn letter_ ”, he threw the blanket away in annoyance, feeling worry already building in his gut, got out of bed and opened the drawer.

***

He made a huge mistake. He shouldn’t’ve read them.

He only intended to read the last one, only that. But he didn’t know what awaited him and reading only made things worse and he didn’t sleep that night to read them all. Sunrise got him sitting on the floor of his bedroom, now opened letters all scattered around him.

The letters were all handwritten in a little careless but overall neat style. Junmyeon remembered how everybody joked about their similar writing styles and how he always snorted at that, and Kris blushed a little. There was no wonder, because Jun taught him a lot of Korean back then and Kris just copied his style. And stick to it even till now.

The first letter was awkward and Kris was apologizing a lot, begging for Junmyeon to answer him. The several next were sad. Kris was feeling down, he needed support and reassurance. Junmyeon felt like an asshole. He was a shitty friend, too caught up in his own feelings, acting selfish when Kris needed him the most. The mood started to change, Kris wrote about new plans and opening perspectives, how he felt much better, but how he still missed Jun. Missed his smile and warm glances, he wrote about how he would gladly give all the expensive shit he owned just to see him for a second. He seemed to be getting more and more brave with every letter, he said, that he wasn’t sure Jun even reads his letters, not to mention he never replies, and that’s why he decided he could say whatever he wanted. This occasionally lead to some questionable stuff, including coming out as bi and occasionally some kinks and something vague, which Jun couldn’t quite put a finger on, maybe the result of language barrier, but that wasn’t the worst. After Kris had fun of saying everything he wanted, he started to be sad again. Receiving no answer, not even a dot in return, he was getting discouraged. Well, who wouldn’t? He wrote about their old days again, how he carefully keeps their memories in his heart and how he would never forget Junmyeon. Then it was the last letter.

“ _... I love you. I’ve always did. And will always do_ ”

Junmyeon’s heart dropped somewhere down to his gut, his palms were wet and blood was painfully pulsing in his head making it hard to concentrate.

“ _Here, I said it. Please, if you’re actually reading it, answer me. I can’t go on like that. If you don’t, I’ll stop writing. I get it if you moved on. I also get it if you don’t feel the same way, but I still hope you actually do. Please, Jun..._ ”

Junmyeon’s whole body was shaking. He felt the hot tears rushing down his cheeks and leaving wet spots on the letter he was holding in trembling hands.

He’s not only an asshole, but also a fucking idiot. What does he do with all of that? Kris was probably on the other end of the earth now and he was stuck there. He wished like never before that he would’ve confessed that night. How could he be so stupid? He was sobbing helplessly on the floor hugging his knees and rubbing tears all over his face like a little kid. The only thing he could do was taking a first plane to wherever Kris was now and try to find him and drop on his knees hoping that the other would forgive him. But how could he do that right now he couldn’t drop everything and just run away. He chocked on the sob and wanted to scream in defeat. This was the end.

_Junmyeon couldn’t believe it and was just staring. Kris was standing in front of him with his lips parted like he was about to say something, but nothing was coming out of his mouth, and his eyebrows that usually made his face look fierce were now slouched down, making him look sad and lost. It seemed like he didn’t expect to see Junmyeon and surely Junmyeon didn’t expect it either. He imagined this moment lots of times. In most scenarios he would start yelling or slap the other man, in some of them he just walks away with head held high, in others he pretends not to recognize him at all. After reading the letters he imagined it too, how he could run away or just awkwardly stare or even start crying. But right now he couldn’t remember any of this. There was a lump in his throat and his palms were sweaty. He didn’t really think of what to do and his body moved before he could. He threw his bag on the ground and ran as fast as he could, crossing the distance between them. Kris caught him in his arms like it was the most natural thing for him and they did it every day. Junmyeon was grabbing at Kris’ jacket like it was a life vest, his whole body trembling and he was sobbing somewhere into Kris’s chest. Kris still smelled the same, only the perfume had changed into something more expensive. He got even taller and more muscular and maybe really changed a lot in general, but Junmyeon still felt the same as many years ago. Warm, safe and so in love._

_“I missed you so fucking much”, everything was forgotten, maybe just for now, but all of it seemed so stupid and distant right now._

_He still needed to say a lot of things. That he was sorry for being a shitty friend, sorry for letting him go and ignoring for years. That he’s always loved him and that he was sorry for breaking his heart. He wanted to ask for forgiveness, for Kris to give him a second chance. He wanted to promise he would do better. And he’d say all of that, but later, now he was finally having Kris in his arms and he wanted to stay like that just for a little longer._

_Junmyeon felt Kris bury his face in his hair and inhaling softly, causing the goosebumps running down the shorter man’s back._

_“I missed you too”_

Junmyeon opens his eyes and jerks into sitting position on the bed.

_I had this dream again._

He wiped the tears formed in the corners of his eyes. This dream was the most realistic of all those he had, and he couldn’t really tell the difference between it and the reality. He rubbed his face with both hands, heavy feeling resting in his chest.

_After all these years I still dream about it._

Two long hands wrapped around his waist, trying to pull him back down.

“Babe what’s wrong? Bad dream?”

“Yeah, I saw you buying another car”

Kris chuckled into the pillow not bothering to open his eyes and finally managed to pull Junmyeon back into the warm embrace and Junmyeon thought he wanted to stay like this forever.

“You sound like my mom”

“She’s right tho...” Kris kisses him not letting Junmyeon finish that sentence. Junmyeon smiled into the kiss, pulling away and letting Kris nuzzle against his neck, “we have to get up, we have an arrangement with our florist”

“I agree to get married without any flowers if it means we can spend this morning in bed”, Kris murmurs into Junmyeon’s neck, leaving small kisses here and there.

“I can’t believe I agreed to marry you”, Junmyeon says with annoyed intonation but the wide grin on his face gives him away.

“I’m so happy you did”, Kris kisses his shoulder, “I love you”

Junmyeon smiles at him and intertwines their fingers, “Love you too”

**Author's Note:**

> I might’ve made some mistakes in facts, sorry if I did and feel free to correct me


End file.
